Surrender-Let Go of the Ball
Beliefs are such interesting things. I have a belief that I have to work hard. I am in this beautiful place in the Bahamas and yet am carrying a burden of “having to work hard”. Why?
I know that it is only me who is creating this struggle from my thoughts. Last night my close friend was asking me if I knew where that reoccurring thought came from. It was a quick answer for me… “My Dad”.
Coming from German and Czech parents, who were born between the two world wars, life was not easy. There were many stories about hard times, little food, coal picked up from the tracks to warm the house, paper routes to earn some money. My dad was the eldest and he was determined to climb out of poverty. When I close my eyes and think of him at a young age, I can see it was a heavy burden to carry. His hard work and determination were what would, and did, change the lives of his parents and siblings.
My father passed away in 2010. In so many ways I am thankful for him instilling that hard work and determination into me. It is what kept me driven to start working at 15, finish college, start a business, pursuit a career, provide for my family and make sure my own children got a college education. But now, things are different. I am almost 60 and I don’t have to work hard…I can if I want to…but it can also be fun instead of hard.
My friend put a weighted ball into my hand during this intimate conversation. She asked me to feel the weight of the burden I was carrying that had been my father’s. She asked me what it would be like to let it go. I clenched the ball harder. It was at that moment that I realized I didn’t WANT to let it go. That this weight, this burden that was his was a connection to him and letting it go would be like letting go a piece of him. I have a choice. I can keep holding onto it or I can surrender. I wonder what it would feel like to surrender…let go of the ball.
I’m giving it a try. I know it is there to pick up if I want to. But for now, I am going to give it back to him. Work can be easy. Being present in this beautiful place doesn’t have to be a struggle. I have a choice.