Relationship Coaching and Yoga Yamas

During my study of Yoga this week, I discovered a profound convergence of coaching and yoga. It began with my mentor asking if I had studied my yamas and niyamas.  They focus on moral guidelines and personal conduct, both outward and inward facing.  They help move us deeper into our authenticity, and support the leap toward a more meaningful life. The very same concepts practiced in my Relationship Life Coaching!

Here are the 5 yamas and the 5 niyamas and how I see them relating to my Life Coaching:

Yamas (abstinence) outward facing

1.     Nonviolence (ahimsa)- Freedom from physical, verbal and mental harm.  In addition to physically causing harm, some examples of verbal and mental harm are spreading hate, using unkind words, criticizing, and posting hurtful content.

In Life Coaching, this looks like being kind to yourself and others.  Watching your negative self-talk and loving yourself just as you are.

2.     Truthfulness (satya)- Being honest and having the nerve to be outspoken about the truth.

In Life Coaching, I teach the importance of being who you truly are, not a false version yourself.  Showing up as a people-pleaser out of fear of not being accepted or not speaking up about your wants and desires are common ways of not being truthful.

3.     Non Stealing (asteya)- The desire to possess and enjoy what another person has. Robbing someone of personal possessions, over-hoarding or taking someone’s time unnecessarily.

In Life Coaching, I think of this like stealing or using someone else’s power instead of tapping into your own agency.  Copying someone else’s work or desiring to be like them instead of cultivating yourself.  Looking at what you perceive as others making you do, things you HAVE to do, blaming others or being a victim, are all ways we “steal” from other’s instead of owning our stuff.  

4.     Moderation- Self Restraint (brahmacharya)- Gaining control of the senses stemming from all parts of the body including a disciplined sexual life.

In Life Coaching, we practice allowing an urge instead of reacting or avoiding it.  Allowing it means that we allow the uncomfortable feeling of an urge to process through our body without taking action.  It can look like not giving into a cupcake when on a diet, saying no to another glass of wine or binging on pornography.

5.     Non-possessiveness- (aparigraha)- being mindful of collecting only as many resources as needed. Taking more of something for your own convenience at the expense of others. Hoarding.

In Life Coaching, collecting too much of something can look like clutter.  It usually comes from thoughts of scarcity and not enough and causes us to grasp for more instead of living from a place of abundance and belief that all our needs will be met. (Think about the toilet paper shortage during the pandemic J)

Niyamas (observance) inward facing how one conducts oneself on a personal level

1.     Purity (saucha)-  Personal hygiene, a clean diet, exercising, breathwork and dwelling in a clean environment.  Cleansing of the mind of hatred, greed, delusion and pride. Feng -shui.

In Life Coaching, I show you how your mind clutter keeps your mind spinning, leaving no room for new creative thoughts that will bring your desired life results.  Choosing the people you spend time with who uplift your spirits and inspire you to be your best; setting clear boundaries; choosing how you want to eat and drink; being mindful of the information you input like shows, books, and content streaming.  These are all examples of “living clean”.

2.     Contentment (santosa) – Being present rather than wishing things were different

In Life Coaching, I compare this to accepting and appreciating the reality of what is instead of resisting it. Changing the circumstance is NOT what makes us feel a certain way.  It is our thoughts. Do we really need things to change to be happy?  No, it is available to us right now.  One step towards this is practicing daily gratitude for what we have.

3.     Self Discipline (tapas) – A burning effort to achieve a definite goal in life while practicing non-violence, speaking truth and remaining balanced in joy and sorrow.

In Life Coaching, we show you that discomfort is necessary to get to the other side.  Getting comfortable with being uncomfortable is the key to all your desires.  Lean into it.  If there is failure, get up and try it a different way.  At the same time, recognizing that life is 50/50 meaning you are not meant to be happy ALL the time.  A full life comes from not being afraid to feel all the emotions…both positive and negative.

4.     Self-Study (svadyaya) – Being aware of one’s actions as they are happening. Reading your own life book at the same time as reviewing and re-writing it.

In Life Coaching, starting to become aware of your thoughts and how they lead to your feelings, actions and results is life changing.  Knowing that you have a choice and can look at situations with curiosity and non-judgement creates time for reflection. Not happy with an action you took? Write it down and move-on.  You can choose a different thought and action next time.

5.     Dedication and Surrender (isvarprandhana) - Devotion and surrender of the smaller self to the higher self.  Breaking free from doubt and making room for faith.

In Life Coaching, we teach you to believe in yourself.  You must have faith that by continuing the small steps towards your goals, while practicing kindness, determination, self-love and resilience you will reach and surrender to what is. Anything can be accomplished from that place.  The higher self is always looking after you if you allow it.

Are you leading a life along the lines of yamas and niyamas?  If not, you can start the journey now.