Breaking Up Is Hard to Do
Is it time? Or should I stay?
Even just thinking about breaking away from what you have can be scary. Your brain keeps telling you all the reasons why it’s not a good idea and that’s perfectly normal.
Our primitive brain seeks pleasure, it wants to keep us safe, and is always looking for the easy way out. After all, that is what kept us alive since caveman times but we’ve evolved and there are lots of choices for us now. Using our evolved brain helps us to be the watcher of our thoughts and gain greater awareness. It all starts with our thoughts.
So why is it so painful to think about breaking up a relationship?
Understanding why may help you to move on or cause you to examine your own thoughts and decide to stay. You are the only one who knows what’s best for you.
Ending a relationship hurts because you are (or were) physically and mentally close to another person. You shared your heart; you were vulnerable and you loved. You had many shared experiences, both good and bad and it is hard to let those go. You’re scared no one else will love you and you don’t want to feel unprotected and alone. You invested a lot of time, energy and money in the relationship. You care what your friends and family think and don’t want to hurt them. You’re afraid you won’t be able to financially make it on your own. If there are children involved, you wonder how they will react, and this may bring on a feeling of fear.
Maybe you feel like everyone else involved is happy and it is only you who is not satisfied. You may have shared family problems, joyful births, heart wrenching deaths, and made life-changing decisions together. There was love and letting go of that isn’t easy.
The more intimate and emotional the life you shared with another person, the harder it is to contemplate breaking up.
We don’t like change. Humans fear and avoid change as much as possible. We fear being alone, hurting other people, being rejected, not knowing what is next, failure, and not being loved. The thought of a breakup is all of those things. But those are just thoughts.
Deciding if you should break up or to stay is worth the hard work and it is an opportunity to explore yourself and really see how your thoughts are creating the apprehension and confusion.
What if you just allowed yourself to feel whatever is coming up knowing that others have experienced similar pain. Could you be compassionate and nonjudgmental of yourself in the process knowing that you are right where you’re supposed to be?
Don’t be in a hurry. Find your own happiness before you make a decision to leave or stay. This is your life and you get to decide what you want to do with it. That’s where your power is.
How do you know if you should stay and work on your mind or if you are ready to leave the relationship? We’ll talk about that in my next blog!