Back to Center in a Relationship

In a long-term relationship, it is often necessary to get back to basics. The dance of intimacy involves coming together and moving apart. It also requires consciously stepping back to center.

Early in a relationship, intense periods of closeness were important as you got to know each other and started to establish the grounds of the new union.  Everything was fresh and being on a “love high” felt like the most fantastic thing in the world.  This budding relationship demanded time and attention to create something lasting. It needs to be nourished to continue because….

Something happens…Once you became more established, you probably began to turn your attention outward again, to the other parts of your life that also mattered, such as work, family, hobbies and friendships. This is natural and healthy. Yet, if a long-term relationship is to last, turning towards each other and stepping back to center, with the same curiosity, attention, and nurturance of earlier times, is essential.  

So, as we walk through our busy and demanding world full of obligations and opportunities, how can we keep track of our primary relationship?  It definitely won’t tend to itself. Even with best intentions about how nice it would be to surprise our partner with a gift or establish a weekly date night, sometimes life gets in the way.

A conscious effort is needed to connect and keep things fresh.

Start with something little like a spontaneous hug, or touch of the hand.  One of the best ways to nourish a relationship is through communication. If you feel that a distance has grown between you and your partner, you may be able to bridge the gap by sharing how you feel. Do your best to avoid blame and regret. Focus instead on the positive, which is the fact that you want to grow closer together. Sometimes, just acknowledging that there is distance between you has the effect of bringing the relationship into balance. In other cases, more intense effort and attention may be required.

You may want to set aside time to talk and come up with solutions together. Remember to have compassion for each other. You're in the same boat together and trying to maintain the right balance of space and togetherness to keep your relationship dance healthy and thriving. Step back to center.  Express faith and confidence in each other, and enjoy the slow dance of intimacy between the two of you.