Sometimes it’s so Scary to Speak the Truth to our Partners

When we don’t speak our truth to our partner, we end up angry and condescending. Then there is resentment that bubbles up stemming from not being courageous enough to stand up. This usually comes from thoughts we are having about what would happen if we DID speak the truth. Is there fear that our partner won’t love us or may leave us? Then what?

I can remember so many times when I didn’t speak the truth about what I was thinking or feeling to my ex-husband. It deteriorated our marriage. Even just the little things. There was a time when I had pictures of my siblings and parents held to the refrigerator with magnets. One day I came home from work and they were gone. He had taken them down. The initial thoughts I had about it made me feel sad. Instead of letting him know, I just went along my merry way as if it didn’t matter. Meanwhile I came up with all these explanations in my head about why he took them down. Thoughts such as... he does all the cooking and it was probably troublesome to open and close the fridge…It matters more to him than it does to me. And some thoughts like…why would he do that without asking me?...he doesn’t care about me…my family isn’t important to him. But I never said anything. Those thoughts caused me pain and resentment and he never knew.

Opening up and being vulnerable would have been so much better. But the thought of the pain I might experience based on what his response would be kept me quiet. Instead, I suffered the pain, carried the sadness, didn’t say anything, resented him for it, and didn’t show up as the person I wanted to be. Thinking back on it, had I said something, I surely would have had thoughts about whatever his response was. But I would have shown up authentically and my true self. Vulnerable. Ultimately, that is what I wanted. To show up as myself and be loved.

When we are too scared to share what we are thinking or feeling with our partner, our partner ends up being with someone who isn't even us. How do we even know if they will love the real us? And if they don’t, then what?

Then we know. And we can move forward from there.

It is worth knowing. There is nothing greater than being just exactly as you are, with your human thoughts and emotions. Loving yourself enough just to show up like that.

Can you relate? DM me and let’s talk more.